#i mean WHAT OTHER guitar would he play amiright

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

i fixed it 😌

(that guitar is really for sale. quick, Lou!)

[lights-camera-ask-tion]

Lights.... Camera.... EDD-TION... huh!!!! huh???... was that?? was that funny???......

Ok I'll leave. Whoops, it seems like our boys have been subjected to the hell that is community theater all for their individual reasons. Follow them on their many misadventures as they put together a nondescript play run by none other than EVIL- I mean normal director Bing Bingbong! (And his bodyguard Larry).

Here YOU can get some behind the curtain information on how the production is going, how cast and crews are doing and many other things of asking nature by pressing that little button at the top!

With that out of the way let's do a little role call for our cast here! Wait what do you mean only one (and a half) of our guys act in this?

more below! (*RULES AT VERY END!*) (sorry)

Edd (CREW • PROP/SET DESIGN)

Looking for a little extra cash one day Edd comes across a TV ad about a few spots open in the theater for an upcoming , unnamed production. Naturally his friends sat close by also watching. Together they decided they'd go in, try their hand at it and once the show was over put together all the money they got and split it equally. Edd easily got into props and set design because Bing knew he was an artist and for a director he's fairly lazy when it comes to assigning jobs and roles. Edd doesn't really struggle all too much with props and sets due to his prior painting experience. But the behind the stage activities and chaos get to him a bit. Needless to say he's just a inch more tired than his usual self

Matt (ACTOR • UNDERSTUDY)

Matt got assigned as an understudy for the lead role which he was pretty bummed out about at first! But as time went on the lead had fallen ill. Matt was the temporary lead! Good for him. Bing didn't really think about the repercussions of having Matt as an understudy for the lead but it's already pretty far in the show to change things around in Bing's eyes. He's just a bit stuck up... stuck up enough to make everything about himself and to be fair his, his well everything skills are a bit subpar. But not many people are signing up for this production he'll do!

Tom (BACKGROUND CHARACTER • AUDIO)

You would think Tom would just take one job but unfortunately just a week prior to this his guitar Susan had fallen apart (wow so unexpected amiright--.) In order to make enough money to fix her Tom had taken a background role. Should be easy, he has to say only one line! Well Tom doesn't know this yet but uhm! He has horrible stage fright, he freezes the instant he's made to act and this is just one miniscule line before he can just go back up to the sound stage and get that done but this one line stumps him. Will he be able to act by the end of pre-production??

Tord (LIGHTING)

Tord took lighting because it was there. Bing didn't care just as much as Tord and he could use a few dollars. Though he's the only one who openly finds it a bit weird that Bing is making a play that isn't even titled... and seemingly has little to no plot aside from a few things pulled from other movie scripts of Bing's past. He slacks off a lot and spends most of his time doing odd tasks and just floating around (occasionally causing mischief) (ok what am I saying he has purposely made stage lights fall on people before). He doesn't really like that the sound studio is right in the same room as the lighting booth. This will be fun.

Now that all the fun stuff is out of the way let's glance over at the rules and regulations!

----

-No proshippers or NSFW accounts allowed here!

- The people behind this account are both minors and would rather not have sexual asks or comments made about the au

- No ships are really present at the moment for right now this is mostly focused on the guys misadventures

- The main tag for all the tasks goes under "EDD-tion asks". Some non ask drawings and events will be shown under the tag "#EDD-tion comic". Occasionally art that isn't a ask or event will be under "#EDD-tion art." And for all who wish to draw fanart (would be very awesome!!) you can tag this account and or post under a fanart tag (#LCE fanart, #Lights, Camera Edd-tion (fanart/art) etc)

- As for non art related tags. "#Off-stage" is for out of character posts, "#Important" is for announcements.

---Enjoy the show!

[jkimk]

IKON as students

Kim Jiwon- Bobby

-Aomine Daichi

-plays basketball

- the ace of the team

-likes to skip classes. Constantly

- ask you for your homework

-then asks you for help when exams are coming

- looks like a player(he kinda is when he is in the mood)

-likes to have girls around(but loves basketball more than girls)

-looks bad. Well, not bad, but first years  never disrespect him.

- has kinda average grades. Not the best student. But he is not stupid either.Actually  he smart aff.

-good at english MURICA!!

- lowkey hates school. But he likes studying for some classes when he is actually realllllyy interested (Hisotry? Philosophy? He makes me believe that is pretty curios and wants to understand the world better)

-writes? why not.

- plays the guitar, drums, even some piano, good at swimming too.

-pretty skilled at everything actually. Every sport. Well. He doesn’t like the climbing wall but that’s ok.

-also LOUD . When he laughs at least.

-quiet in general when he doesn't have people to hang out with.

-best friend with B.i and also Jinhwan.

-one day got into detention because the teachers didn’t like his new eyebrow piercing. Also that’s where he met June and Mino, probably.

-just imagine him playing basket ball one day, with a loose shirt or something and his teammates noticing his tattoo on the back, and everyone goes like GENERAL PANICKKKKK "FUCK DUDE IS THAT A TATTOoOO?????? CAN YOU SHOW US????" " siiiickkkk” “did it hurt??” and Bobby thinking at what would happen if they would find the actual meaning behind his tattoo. (meanwhile, Jinhwan in a corner with his back against the wall, smoking and his 6 tattoos under his nice presentable clothes watching the scene AMIRIGHT????)

-  people think he is in a gang and rumors spread about him being a bully( actually helps kids and old people cross the road)

-hid dad is a painter. wants to lowkey draw like him

-friends with everyone. easy to talk to(after you approach him.)

-you find out that he is a dork not a Kingka

-actually church boy

Kim Hanbin- known as B.i.

- AWKWARD

- not during basket ball games tho

- the leader of the basketball team

has a weak spot for Bobby (because it’s his friend, so he doesn’t yell at him that often, but when he gets mad. RUN)

- sleeps in class because apparently he doesn’t sleep at night.

- bad at answering questions during class but he gets a lot of good marks from tests

- lil genius.

-his parents seem rich. He doesn’t mind it tho.  He acts like a normal student. Even tho his clothes are really nice and his mom likes to dress him up before leaving their house. But at the end of the day, he likes to sweat with Bobby, playing basketball in a park or something.

-listens to music a lil bit too much. likes to space out when he has his headphones on

- looks rude when you first see him.

-talks shit with everyone. Good with little kids.

-actually cinnamon roll. Bigger Dork than Bobby

Kim Donghyuk

-president of the student’s council, editor at the school’s newspaper, volunteers for everything.

-GENIUS. Teachers love him.

-nice aFff. Respect all the rules. Students always come to find him when there is a problem and he just helps each of them. He is so nice that likes to do the tasks that nobody wants.

-he is nice 

-always smiling

-olimpyc at various subjects.

-has his future already planned.

-has always a camera and it’s ready to take pictures or film some stuff for the newspaper or for the end of the year.

-lowkey a hoe for dancing. But he likes to keep that secret. Likes to sneak out of his room when his mom can’t see him, thinking that he is doing his homework , so that he can go underground and have some dancing battles with some dudes.

-did I even mention something about him in shorts, doing sports? ?

-THIGHS.

-well, he was actually considered the biggest nerd.  Was wearing glasses and had a bowl cut, that mad his head look like a coconut, and then, after one summer break, BOOM. He came back with like 7 earring and his glasses were gone.

Song Yunhyeong

-the secretary at the Student’s Council

- the president’s best friend

-his shadow.

-always nice. Smiles. Wants to help everybody and look cute

-he thinks he is younger than his age. Liar

- teachers love him

-the other studens are always nice to him, trying to become friends, because they know his family has a restaurant, and that his food is the best. Like. He comes with his lunch and people would pay money for that. Actually he thought about starting some black market for his food, but Donghyuk won’t let me do that.

-probably works in the library too. Or at the Red Cross.

-he doesn’t really know what to do with his future. He thought about becoming a model? Actor? Singer? A cook?

-loves cooking.

-he is the one that organizes every time the proms and every other thing that involves drinks and food.

-a genteleman. Girls love talking to him.

-also smart. Struggles with his English, but Donghyuk helps him with that.

-also can’t say no and every time when someone gets in trouble he comes and saved them (probably that’s why Bobby and June now like him too)

-pretty much an introvert so he is not good at speaking in front of too many people.

-also tutors a lot of people, especially June and Chanuu.

Jung Chanwoo

- tall aff

- first year

- doesn't look like that. Girls talk about him. Even the older ones.

- the nephew of the principal. Which means, SATANWOOO

-rich. Well he has a car that drops him by the school almost every day. And the latest version of Iphone and other gadgets.

- actually a gamer. That’s why.

-doesn't pay attentio to classes. Also, doesn’t really try to make new friends because he likes his games enough.

-gamer boy. Bobby and B.i keep on trying to make him join their basket ball team.

-teachers leave him alone just because he is THE nephew

-he looks like an introvert, just because he doesn’t want to be loud and start the conversation, but once you get him fired up, he is the evil.

-his parents are also some important people in the school, because they keep on making donations or stuff like that

-probably knows B.i because they rich.

-Song Yunhyeong’s cousin

-he doesn't like that connection but Yunhyeong keeps on spending time with him during lunch aaand that’s how the TWIN CONCEPT started.  Also the others are making fun of him because of that, so he hates Yunhyeong even more.

Koo Junhoe

-the hoe

- bitch. He wakes up every morning at like  5 just to do his hair and make sure that it’s nice and on point

-not even a day will pass without his hair being fixed

-also fixes his hair everywhere. Every time

-he is also late because of that. Also he likes to sleep without hearing his alarm in the morning.

- neat clothes. likes to dress up. and impress

- has a fanclub

-fuck boy #1

- actually a second year. When he first came he said that he will be the fuckboy #1 in the school. Then he met bobby, who was considered already the BOMB ins the school and they had a fight (lol kidding, but June got a little bit scared of him)

-doesn't like to study

- bad at math

- actually even worse at literature

-even tho he likes to talk a looooot

- looks kinda stupid when you first look at him, but if you start talking to him you ll find yourself in some deep as shit conversation where he asks you how do fish breath under water like dude, what are you smokin’??

-LOUD( in bed)

-if there is some sort of competition, rank, that involves showing off, he is all in.

- looks rude af

-more rude than B.i

-girls like him

-he is into noonas ( OFC THIS LIL SHIET)

- actually a mama boy

Kim Jinhwan

- senior. Younger girls come to him to ask for help, because he is soft.

-nice

-also pretty smart. Has some good memory and also works on instincts.

-friends with Bobby and B.I since middle school. Tripple KIM

- thinks he is good at sports

- he is not

-well, sometimes he has his good days.

-actually he is good at gymnastics, because he is smol. But because of that he is always so proud of himself when he scores at basket ball. His teammates never trust him.

- short aff

-but evil. Not evil like, I m going to find you, and kill you, but evil like, hi, nice to meet you, I’ll make sure that your life becomes hell for the next 4 years if you treat me shitty.

- kids keep on mistaking him for a first year

-June did that and Jinhwan was so offended that he didn’t speak to him again.

-June keeps on following him now.

-knows how to speak with the teachers and sweat talk them. That’s why he looks like the favourite.

-a role model student. Never caused problems. Likes to be praise by the teachers. He is a lil attention whore, not gonna lie. Probably that’s why he starts enjoying June’s company. They look alike

- lil shit

-says he is also good at foreign languages

- well Japanese and Chinese. but not Engliish!!!! ( sorry)

-complains a little bit too much saying that he is the hyung so he must be respected (Chanuu doesn't give a fokkk)

-actually smokes during breaks when nobody sees him

[rfsak2]

Cactus, a Display

This based off a convo I had with @busstop about this gif set. I put that bit at the end there… the rest was inspired by that.

Cactus, a Display Summary: Public Displays of Affection. The Styles Warnings: None

“This is Selena’s Bridge.” Jamie smiled and started climbing the steps. “Have to get out early during the holiday season. Place is usually packed.”

“Selena as in…?”

“As in Selena.” She grinned. “You gonna date a San Antonian, you should get familiar with Selena. She was a famous Tejano singer.”

Harry leaned over the side of the stone bridge and smiled. “Tejano like yer mum?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Tejano as in ethnicity but also as in musical style. In fact, she’s so well-liked in SA, that despite having been gone for over twenty years, her music is still played all the time.” She got quiet. “Yep, Rio Rio is playing it now.”

He smiled and leaned over to kiss her. “That’s what that is.”

She giggled and leaned in for another kiss. “It is indeed.”

“Let’s take a selfie, love.” He gathered her against his side and pulled his phone out of his pocket. They snapped a couple pictures, one of which would remain Harry’s lockscreen photo until he replaced it with a picture of their wedding rings a couple years later.

They continued meandering down the riverwalk, pausing when Jamie would point out something else. She pulled him to a stop in front of a small island. “This is Marriage Island.”

“Can yeh get married on Marriage Island?”

She nodded. “‘Course ya can. People been gettin’ married here for like 200-something years. Would be surprised if there isn’t a wedding here today. Saturday’s are good days for it.”

He dropped a kiss on hair. “Do yeh want to get married here?”

She quieted and shifted closer to him. “It’s as good a place as any, I guess. No privacy though. Can’t shut down the Riverwalk.”

He nodded. “Where do yeh want t’get married then?”

She chuckled and peeked up at him through her lashes. “Haven’t given it much thought honestly. Not sure it was ever on my radar.”

“And now?” He looked purposefully nonchalant and she smiled, leaning up to press a kiss to his jaw.

“It’s… more on my radar, I guess. Still don’t know where I’d want to get married. Never was one of those girls who planned it all.” She shrugged. “What about you? Would you want to get married in the UK?”

He copied her shrug and shook his head. “Don’t know. Probably not here in this exact spot though…”

“That’s fair. It’s not really big enough for even all the family… Do you think ducks can witness a wedding officially?”

A duck conveniently quacked and Harry grinned. “I dunno… It might fly.”

She made a face. “Any justice of peace that allowed that would be a quack though. Not sure it’d stand the test of time.”

He snorted. “No harm, no fowl though, amiright?”

She smiled and pulled her phone out as it roared in her purse. She looked down at her phone. “We’re meetin’ the fam at Saltgrass in thirty.”

“Where is Saltgrass?”

“Across the river.” She pointed. “Right there in fact.”

He grinned. “Whatever shall we do with our time, m’love?”

She pulled him over to a bench and sat. “We can watch the ducks. They are the nest best thing to true entertainment.”

Smiling, he laid his arm over the back of the bench. “I could do with some bird watchin’ with m’bird.”

She snickered and leaned her head back against his shoulder.

One duck snapped at another and Harry made a low disapproving noise. “We have a few ruffled feathers here.” He raised his voice, speaking directly to the duck. “Should tell him to duck off, mate.”

“Good one, Haz.” She chuckled and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

He grinned. “Yeah, well I’m at beak performance.” She threw her head back against his shoulder and he pressed a kiss to her jaw. “Truly, love. I’m just winging it.”

Her phone roared again and she smiled, looking down to shoot off a text to some member of her family or another. When she looked up again, he smiled down at her.

“Yeh are so beautiful.”

She blushed and leaned up to kiss him full on the mouth.

Moaning quietly, his arm abandoned the bench and pulled her as close to him as he could manage as he drew her bottom lip between his teeth. Gasping as quietly as she could manage, she set her hand low on his belly and pressed up into his kiss.

A soft cough, not unlike the clearing of a clear throat, shocked her and she flushed bright red as she pulled away.

The elderly woman smiled kindly and set her gnarled hands on her cane.

She peeled her hand from Harry’s shirt and sat back against the park bench as primly as she could.

“Lo siento, señora.”

She nodded. “Public place, m’hija. Lot’s of little eyes around. Maybe keep it a tad more… contained, sí?”

Jamie nodded and the woman turned to Harry. “Can’t say I blame you though. Es muy guapo.” She winked and Jamie drew a hand down over her face as she toddled away.

Harry grinned down at his feet and reached for her hand. “When we get home, I’m gonna flock yeh into the mattress.”

It took her a short while, but eventually she fell against his shoulder, giggling like a fool.

“Seriously, I love yeh, gull.”

She snorted, pushing back off his chest

**

Maybe it was that the tour was nearing its end, only a handful of shows left before his first solo tour is officially at an end.

Maybe it was that he was nearing two years with one woman- not a minor feat considering that most of his previous relationships had lasted months and not many of them to begin with.

Maybe it was that he still felt as strongly for her as he did at the first, loved her as fiercely as he ever had, that she was feeling more and more like his wife every time he woke up with her hair in his face.

Maybe it was the engagement ring he had been turning over in his mind more often than not these days- should he call Lola? He really did not want to call Lola. Jamie would know maybe seconds after the call ended.

Or maybe it was just that she was beautiful, that some inspired soul had set her up a soft pink light and it colored her hair peachy and reflected off the dark grey sequins of her duster in a way that made him think of Guinevere and Juliet and every other romantic heroine he could think of.

Regardless as the second chorus ended and the solo neared, he found his feet carrying him to her side then behind her. The wedges she wore put her at a perfectly convenient height to rock his hips gently against her ass, careful not to jostle her so she could still play.

“I love yeh.” He kissed at her neck, one hand slithering under her guitar to rest low on her hip. “My little monster.”

She gasped, but dared not glance up at him as she struggled to continue playing the solo without faltering.

“I’m gonna marry yeh one day. Yer gonna wear my ring and everyone’s gonna know yer mine.”

She made a small noise- affirmation or not, he honestly couldn’t tell -and he leaned into her mic to sing the bridge.

“I wanna die, wanna die, wanna die tonight.”

He smiled against her temple, swaying with her, remembering the first time she’d heard it and the look on her face as she tried to process what it meant when someone- a fuckbuddy on the face of it -wrote you a song and sang ‘I wanna die’ right in the middle of it.

He had had every intention of moving back to his mic after the solo but didn’t like the idea of letting her go, so he didn’t. When the song ended, she sucked in a breath and pushed her hair off her face as she turned to look at him.

He leaned in for a kiss. “I love yeh, monster.”

She still looked confused, bless her, but she accepted the kiss, hand pressed gently to his sternum- which is where she belonged, as far as he was concerned, right in the center of his chest.

“Love ya too.”

He grinned and winked, sauntering back to his mic. “Jamie Schwartz everyone!” The crowd cheered loudly and he revelled in the fact that one day he might have the honor of introducing her to an audience as Jamie Styles.

**

Harry was waiting for her at the start of the catwalk as he always did, the equipment guys following behind with her acoustic and electric and Niall’s acoustic and electric.

He intertwined their fingers and started skipping to the end of the catwalk where the other guys were getting set up for the next set.

Giggling, she gingerly ran behind him, sharp eye on the stage, lest her boot catch and send her tumbling.

He pulled her to a stop center stage and raised their hands above her head. “Jamie Styles, everyone!”

The proud smile that stretched his face every time he introduced her to an audience was what she lived for, smiling as his massive hand slid around her waist and pulled her gently into his side.

“She speaks fluent Spanish and since I happen to know that yeh also speak fluent Spanish-” the crowd cheered “-I thought you might like to speak with her.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead and passed her the mic with a gorgeous grin. “M’love?

She took the mic and turned to the crowd. “Hola!” The crowd responded in kind and she started chatting with the crowd. Five minutes later, Niall came to her side and pointed out a sign to her.

Liam, on Niall’s other side, squinted and turned to Niall. “What does it say?”

Niall grinned. “‘Kiss her, you fool!’”

Jamie smiled and laughed over the sound of the crowd. “Then it has my name. But what does it mean? Am I supposed to kiss someone?”

She turned to ask Harry what he thought and gasped into his mouth as he leaned in to kiss her.

The crowd went wild, cheering and screaming, and Harry grinned against her mouth. He pulled just barely away and winked at her. “Let’s give something to really scream about, yeah?”

Before she could really respond, she found herself almost parallel to the ground, only supported by her husband’s arms around her waist. She caught his grin again just as he leaned in to slant his lips against hers, tongue almost immediately licking into her mouth.

She gasped again and threaded her fingers back into his hair, winding the soft growing curls around her fingers.

Despite the situation, or maybe because of the venue, Harry kept the kiss relatively tame, hands firm on her waist and not wandering at all as they were usually wont to do.

All the same, she had a hard time catching her breath when he pulled away. He grinned down at her, wiping his bottom lip idly with his thumb, in such a way that told her exactly what kind of night was ahead of them.

The kind of night where they’d get relatively little sleep and he’d have her anyway hiss very creative mind could come up with. The kinda night that led to the kinda morning where she’d wake up floating between sore and so fuckin’ relaxed.

She shifted minutely, trying to discreetly squeeze her thighs together, and caught Harry’s knowing smirk.

He reached for the mic, still loose in her grip, and grinned. “Yeh alright, monster?”

“Jesus, Harry.” Liam breathed.

**

“So apparently…” Harry grinned, pushing his hair back off his face, tongue caught in his teeth in the corner of his mouth. “Apparently this is a once or twice every other year… sort of thing.”

The crowd laughed, applauding.

“Now there are no special emergencies… nothing like that, to put yeh at ease.” He shrugged. “James is on holiday!” He grinned again. “He’s gone to Tenerife… as yeh do. Here’s a postcard!”

The postcard was obviously doctored and featured James in a suit on a lounger. Harry laughed and clapped his hands. “We have a great show for you today! Tom Holland and Zendaya are here to discuss all things Spiderman with us-” there was a loud cheer from the crowd, “-and the gorgeous, beautiful, insanely talented, very very married Jamie Styles is here…”

He paused amid a loud cheer from the audience. “I’m sorry…” He shook his head dramatically. “Jamie Schwartz is her stage name… I promised to be professional.” The crowd laughed. “Jamie Schwartz is here to promote… Oh wait… I’ve gone and done it again. Spike & Devil, my wife’s band, is here promoting their album What Happens- which by the way, won an AMA this past November-”

The crowd cheered and Harry spurred them on, “-That’s right! Cheer for her… them!! Cheer for them! What Happens has also earned a Grammy nomination, so yeh can cheer some more! And my wife.. My wife’s band achieved this after completin’ a world tour with my band pregnant, havin’ said baby, helpin’ me write my third solo album, promotin’ my album, and dealin’ with my general bulls[bleep]t. Cheer for her, goddamn it! No, I’m not partial at all.” Harry grinned. “They’re all very talented, all jokes aside. They are Spike & Devil and this is The Truth. Make some noise!”

The camera panned over the band and settled on Jamie, who blew a kiss at Harry. “Hey, Baby.”

“Hello, Monster.” Dramatically, he caught the kiss and pressed it to his heart.

Dante scoffed into his mic and Matt chuckled. “Well, folks…” He folded his arms over his guitar. “Yes, this is how they always are.”

The crowd cheered and Dante made a face. “Just imagine recording an album in their home studio.”

Tommy sighed. “All the damn time. ‘Where’s Jamie?’.” He looked at Dante and Matt and together they sighed, “Oh...”

Jamie rolled her eyes. “They’re just peanut butter and jealous.”

The crowd exploded, cackling laughter filling the space.

She grinned. “I would also like to point out that I have a toddler-”

“We know what you were doin’. Please, woman.”

Matt nodded. “We’re not stupid, li’l bit. You leave and come back in different clothes...”

“Hair all-”

Jamie held her hands out in front of her. “Nope. Too far. Let’s let it go-”

Tommy started singing Let It Go into his mic almost as an afterthought.

The other three band members turned to stare at him and Harry cracked up side-stage as the audience nearly died laughing.

“Well… damn.” Jamie tapped a foot and turned to the audience. She arched an eyebrow rather imperiously and settled her hands on her hollow-body. “Seriously, we gotta get it together. Our professional reputation is on the line.”

The crowd laughed and eventually they do, less launching into the song and more easing into it. The Truth was easily the most mellow song she’d ever written for herself, reflecting Harry’s contribution; no wailing guitar solos, just twangy old-country simplicity.

“The Truth is…”

When the song was over, Harry, who had gone around backstage, pulled up even with Jamie and wrapped his arm around her waist.

“Now, because begging makes my wife and James Corden weak, I’ve been allowed to do my very own Carpool Karaoke with Spike & Devil. Watch this.”

--

“Hey Foxy Lady, yeh come here often?” He pulled up in his vintage Mercedes convertible and lowered his sunglasses on his nose.

“Hey, Big Daddy.” Jamie grinned, leaning on the door over him. He leaned up for a kiss and she dodged. “I have one word for you, Haz. Extra.”

“And you love it.” He stretched up and kissed her. “I make your life interesting.”

He grinned as Dante gagged behind her, looking into the camera like he was on the office. “Can we stow alla that, lovebirds? Let’s get this show on the road.” He grinned down at Jamie. “Shotgun…”

She gasped, outraged. “This is my husband’s car. It is a wife’s understood right to ride shotgun in her husband’s car!”

Dante sauntered around the front, smirking the whole way. “Way too slow, hermanita.”

She all but screeched. “You are younger than me!”

He shrugged and managed to sink into the seat smugly.

“Baby!”

Harry shrugged helplessly. “The rules, love. He called it.”

“Harold.” Jamie crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m pretty sure it was in our vows.”

Harry snorted. “I vow to always let you ride shotgun.”

Matt opened the back door and scooched to the far side. “You two didn’t have vows… you got married at the courthouse.”

She gasped again as Tommy tried to usher her into the car. “You are all jerks.”

Dante laughed and high-fived Harry. “Bros befor-” Harry shot him a look and Dante grinned. “Fair.”

Pouting, Jamie slid into back center. “Hazza…”

Harry turned and reached back to squeeze her knee. “You can switch in a bit.”

“Fine.” She swatted at Dante’s arm and leaned forward to peck Harry on the lips, pushing long hair off his temples. “Let’s do this shit.”

--

“So Mrs. Styles…” Harry made a purposely overly dramatic hand motion. “So sorry, love. Ms. Schwartz, yeh are married though, aren’t yeh?”

Dante rolled his eyes while Jamie sniggered into her hand. “So this is how this is gonna go, then, bruh? You really gonna play that game?”

Harry sniffed with faux-contempt. “Ms. Schwartz?”

“I am married, yes.” She nodded, forcing a neutral expression on her face.

“Damn shame, that. Wouldn’t mind takin’ yeh out m’self.” He sighed and shook his head. “People who are attracted to women weep the world over. Except, ‘suppose, for yer husband.”

She sniggered again and fought to remain neutral. “Guess so.”

Matt sucked on his teeth, hiding a grin behind his hand. “As amusing as this elaborate mating dance is for the audience, can we move on?”

Harry ignored him. “I’ve heard yer husband is… exceptionally talented and incredibly good-looking.”

She was moments from breaking, face slowly getting redder and redder. She took a deep breath. “I’d say so. Very much indeed.”

“Generous lover?”

She squawked and covered her face. “Holy hell, Harry.”

Harry looked into the camera. “Think that’s a yes. Yeh heard it here first.”

A Claim Up Next: A Relationship

[chakazard]

John K Samson, Chaka, and Virtute the Cat

Personally, I find that one of the best, or to be more strictly accurate, one of my favorite ways to handle negative feelings is to find music that fits the feeling and let the song bleed it out of me.  A year or so back, I was having a particular rough time, and none of the music in my arsenal was cutting it.   I don’t know why, perhaps because most of the depressing music I know revolves around heartbreak, and my marriage is one of the few parts of my life that doesn’t drive me into despair.  So I start searching around for songs for or about depression and nothing is really hitting me.  I’m finding, you know, a lot of slick slow ballads with vague lyrics and predictable changes and it’s all very sad-by-design and  that’s just not what’s going to latch on to my heart so I decide to look for depressing punk songs.  I find, maybe on a reddit thread although I haven’t been able to relocate it, two recommendations that absolutely hit the spot.  Off With Their Heads and The Weakerthans.  I don’t think two artists ever sprung so quickly to the list of my all time favorites.

The song in particular that was recommended from The Weakerthans is “A Plea From a Cat Named Virtute” which is from the perspective of a feline whose human companion has begun to neglect her as he spirals deeper into apathy and alcohol and isolation.  She urges him to reconnect with the past,  and promises to help take care of him if only he’d reverse course.  The lyrics are absolute poetry, equally art and craft, and of course they hit me particular hard seeing as I am a cat loving person with tendencies towards isolating myself when the going gets rough (”sad songs about cats are kind of my jam, I said when explaining my Vivat Virtute shirt). Both characters are incredibly full and relatable and one is a cat and the other doesn’t speak.  And of course, the whole album Reconstruction Site is incredible.  He’s constantly writing about settings and surroundings, particularly in his hometown of Winnipeg (one great city amiright?), in a way that makes it clear that he’s really singing about whatever emotion is too hard to face.  I start playing it daily to get me through the work day.  I start looking into the singer/songwriter, John K Samson.  I find that no less an authority than Frank Turner has said that the only songwriter who gets close to Samson’s level is Leonard Cohen (I got extremely happy once to see a picture on Facebook of Samson, Turner, and Fat Mike, three of my all time favorite lyricists). I google Virtute the Cat to find more takes on this incredible song.  I find out there’s a sequel.  It’s called “Virtute the Cat Explains Her Departure.”  My heart slides out of my chest and runs along the floor.  I find the song and it is even sadder than the title would indicate.  This is exactly what I needed.  The song brings instant tears to my eyes every time I hear it and it washes away all of the crap that builds in my emotions.  I keep finding new lyrics in their catalog to relate to, to obsess over.  Throw away my misery, it never meant that much to me. In love with love and lousy poetry.  Enlist the cat in the impending class war! (which I later find out is an early throwaway reference to Virtute herself) Then, in the best possible version of getting into a show right before the new season comes out, I learn Weakerthans frontman/songwriter John K. Samson has a new solo album which will contain 2 new songs which will complete the song cycle.  I honestly believe hearing the last song had a huge step in bringing me out of the seemingly never ending anxiety attack I had over the course of years.  Of course it was beautiful, of course it was perfect.  I may write more about the Virtute saga later, but this may make it redundant.

The last time John K. Samson played in New York I had to miss the show to give my best friend a ride the night before she left for Africa.  I just got to see him for the first time on Halloween at City Winery.  He played solo on electric guitar, no backing band.  He wore a black t-shirt and jeans and a hat he placed on his amp for the duration of his set.  Keeping in the Halloween theme established by headliner Craig Finn, he has a Paul Stanley star painted around one eye. He doesn’t talk much between songs, but he does refer to himself as a “Canadian singing Marxist sober Quaker”, he credits his ability to perform to the two anti-depressants he is currently taking, and he admits to stealing parts of Bob Dylan’s “When I Paint My Masterpiece” for his own “When I Write My Master’s Thesis.”  Simply, he is the living embodiment everything I’d want in a songwriter.  He played a 45 minute set while waitresses tried to take drink orders without disturbing the music, and sirens and DJs could be heard every time he silenced his guitar.  Somehow this seemed appropriate, shining the light on the realistic and very emotional lives of the people he sings about. Thankfully every note he played and every word he sung were crystal clear, both Weakerthans classics and some of the better numbers from his recent Winter Wheat album.  And yes, he did the all the Virtute songs, starting with “17th Street Treatment Center,”  which reveals how Virtute’s nameless companion does eventually find help for his problems.  And yes, I started tearing up when that song started, and that only increased when the runaway feline forgets her name (Latin for strength!).  But not as much as I feared.  This was after all a happy occasion.  Everyone at my table was also there to see Samson, and left either before or not long into Craig Finn’s set.  Unfortunately, that means they missed the encore, for which Samson joined the band (all in full Paul Stanley makeup) for 2 covers and 1 Weakerthans song (”Aside,” during which I stood up in my stool and raised my hand for the aforementioned reference to lousy poetry).  It’s pretty rare that the main act of the night invites the opener to do one of his songs.  (Finn introduced Samson by saying he felt like he knew Winnipeg already the first time he was there, and later realized it was from listening to the Weakerthans so often).  Another thing Craig Finn talked about during his set was that the ideal situation for both artist and audience is when the audience feels like the artist has taken something from their own life and expressed it for them.  Samson does this for me over and over again.  I feel very lucky to have found yet another artist to add to my ever expanding list of favorites.

[reds-revenge]

im feeling evil so ALL THE LOCATION ASKS

>:( probably Josie anon, do you know how many times I gotta switch pages now? I’m kidding you’re cool mobile just sucks.

*deep breath* here we go

Amsterdam: yeah, I think so. I’ve always been the weird one, usually in a nice way but I’m still the weird one. I kinda sound like a robot when I’m tired, or trying to accomplish something, and I guess that’s not how all people think?? Anyway.

Athens: ahaha I’m not a perfectionist, I’m the PLATONIC IDEAL OF A PERFECTIONIST. Listen okay I will sink as much time as I need to get it perfect, that’s happening less with the depression bc I just can’t get it up to my standard, I’m trying to make this a Growing Opportunity and learn to set Attainable Goals, but it usually ends with me panicking instead. Ah well

Belgrade: my mother had a loooong list of names and my dad tried to mock them all, they only kept ones that you couldn’t really make weird nicknames for, one of my friends took that as a challenge and called me Kira the Mirra (like mirror) for a year, it was interesting

mom called my kiramodo dragon bc of some noise I made when I was a baby. I thought my name was baby for a while bc they called me Baby Kira my Deara. Then I decided I wasn’t a baby and dubbed myself Kira my Deara the Kid.

Berlin: well for that I’d have to KNOW what I what. I can usually do whatever, but I would really like is absolute certainty about things like do I exist, am I hurting people by existing, etc. and that’s just not something we get in this life. It’s :) so :) fun :) :) :)

Bratislava: it doesn’t have a firm genre, there’s a lot of oddly philosophical themes for something that’s mostly sci fi/ comedy, but there’s also bildungsroman elements bc life amiright, and what’s science besides a mystery?

The protagonist is Done™ with everyone including herself, there’s cephalopods.

Brussels: I’m not fluent in all the languages I borrow from but yeah I do this a lot, I’m a language nerd. I did it more often when I was younger and still liked learning Latin.

Bucharest: NOT ON PURPOSE OKAY, WE’D KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE WE WERE FIVE SO ALMOST TEN YEARS AT THE TIME, I THOUGHT OF HIM AS MY BROTHER, WHY THE FUCK IS HE WRITING EMO STORIES ABOUT KISSING ME WE WERE S I B L I N G S.

I don’t think of him as family anymore but not bc of the ~*drama*~, I learned some Things and grew Wise. (Well, wisER)

Budapest: maybe, I was five, my love was unrequited. We ended up being friends bc in such a small class whatcha gonna do? We didn’t talk about that fiasco for ten years, turns out that whole declaring my love to the class thing was pretty awkward for him. Whoops.

Copenhagen: outside of old, distant relatives, no. I haven’t actually kissed someone romantically before at all, and I don’t have a desire to. I’m not saying I wouldn’t ever someday, I just haven’t sought that kinda thing out.

Dublin: between being a minor and being an obsessive rule follower, that hasn’t happened. I doubt I ever will, losing even the slightest bit of control over myself terrifies me

Helsinki: now this is interesting. I’m guessing this is referring to romantic love, but it doesn’t SAY that.

Look, I wanna be a scientist. Like really really wanna be a scientist, always have, always will. This sounds cliche but I feel like I was made for the sciences, I really do.

but I gotta go with love. Not romantic necessarily, just in general. And this isn’t a “well I’d better choose the Virtuous thing.” Like, I feel made for science, but science doesn’t mean anything if you’re not using it for something. Neither does art for that matter. Idk, but without love–for my family, my friends, for squids, for God–i just don’t see the point of this whole life thing. So yeah, I’m going with love

Kiev: YES AND FRANKLY I’D CHOOSE THE KNIFE EVERY TIME. I’m not gonna tell you EVERYTHING EVER THAT WAS SAID TO ME bc that would take way too long but yes, yes I have even when they weren’t trying to be knife words

Lisbon: I’m honestly not sure, like I like Hamilton’s America but I hate Trump’s, also I’m really drawn to the British isles and honestly France and Polynesia and India and Russia are all cool, so like I don’t feel like I belong but I might not belong anywhere if that makes sense? Idk tbh

Ljubljana: not really, I sound like my mother over the phone and if you look at baby pictures without the hair showing Greta and I get mixed up (not by family by friends) I have kind of distinctive hair, so.

London: Google says this is thinking vs feeling basically so I gotta go sense (thinking)

Luxembourg: I REGRET EVERYTHING and I often regret things deeply, like really stupid things bc of ~*damaging theology*~ but now mostly because ~*Ocd*~ (I think idk I guess maybe knocking that board over really will send me to hell, I’ve been spinning over this for YEARS)

Madrid: ALL THE TALENTS but maybe speaking fluent French, juggling, and playing guitar if you want some specifics

Moscow: No. I mean when else would I do all the thinking? Not during the day when I’m half asleep, surely.

Nicosia: whenever I’m nervous or exhausted which is most of the time now tbh

Oslo: HAhahahahaha this is hilarious. I’d like absolute 100% certainty that everything is 100% okay, always has been, and always will be. I don’t know what okay even is here but I know that 100% certainty does not exist and also everything probably isn’t okay, and EVEN IF I KNEW THIS I would still be nervous for some hellish reason, I don’t think I’ll ever actually have peace of mind :/

Paris: I mean yeah, but not more afraid than I am of most things. I guess I’m more scared I’d mess it up somehow

Podgorica: HELL YEAH. I mean, I’m curious about death and franklyitwouldntbeterribleifigothitbyasnipertomorrow @ the government, but setting that aside I’ve been raised on stories of people dying, dying for good or evil but for what they believe and I was kinda scared when I was little that I’d chicken out and surrender to the fascist government or whatever but I won’t, I’ll just do the thing, follow the rule same as any other. And even if my beliefs are wrong we’re all gonna die anyway, so

Prague: not really, no. I’ve got a good family, a good church for once, I’m heading to running start next year to study what I want, I don’t really have something to be jealous of.

I mean I’d like my brain to work but I’m not *jealous* of people who’s brains do the thing, I’m happy for them I just would like to be like that too

Reykjavik: A TINY FLOATING ISLAND COUNTRY I COULD PARK WHERE I WANTED I MEAN I DOUBT I’M GONNA MOVE PERMANENTLY OUT OF AMERICA BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS HARD AND MY FAMILY’S HERE BUT I DON’T LIKE ABSOLUTE RULES WHERE I DON’T NEED THEM

Riga: I would take as many selfies as I had to to get one I only kinda hate, I would post that one. (Yeah this is specific but I’m waiting for the technicality police over here, I totally would tho I don’t really care)

Rome: yeah but not romantically. I mean this is gonna sound weird I’m sorry but once in a blue moon I get an overwhelming sense of God and His love for me, that sounds cheesy or fake or something but I’m too tired to not be painfully honest rn

Sarajevo: TO INFINITY AND BEYOND. I wouldn’t do whatever they asked me to, I’m not gonna sign my mind over bc they’re human too and not always right and maybe the stakes are high etc, but if they need something I'ma do the thing at any cost of time, resources, sanity, etc. to myself I’ve got no boundaries here

Skopje: I honestly don’t know?? I’ve been called a lot of sweet things by a lot of sweet people and I remember EVERY SINGLE ONE and honestly I don’t think I could choose one, they’re all sweet in different ways, you know?

Sofia: not in a physical way, women are shockingly treated differently from men in Puritainville, but most people were fine with me in general if I didn’t touch certain buttons. Everyone had different buttons but never said what they were until whoops! It was fun :)

Mental health is also a super fun topic in Puritainville if you were wondering, someone told my mom when I first pulled out of school that I didn’t need a doctor, I just needed a book on Grace, because clearly my theology was why I couldn’t talk and slept fifteen hours a day

Also being Anglican was interesting, I tried explaining the whole icon thing and Lent and via media but it fell on deaf ears

I dunno if this is prejudice related or not but some guy called me a Pharisee when I was seven bc I told him off for making it impossible for me to follow the rules, he was trying to make us scared to teach us about God’s grace, you can imagine how well tiny Kira handled that

wow okay well I guess that’s a yes then

Stockholm: UNFORTUNATELY

In middle school everyone wrote stories about their thinly disguised classmates, and then in ninth grade creepy mcbadideas wrote stories about me saving him from his life basically and then him saving me from depression with a kiss, it was weird

and then Mom has used the whole family for story ideas

Tallinn: I can’t recall a rumour I’ve heard about myself, I’m very open. There were certainly rumors about me being ~*liberal*~ but that was actually true so idk.

I’d like to hear some though, I’m so out there already it’s gotta be entertaining

Tirana: no??? I’m honestly not sure what sexy is but everyone else seems to? Mom swears boys look at me–she’s usually telling me how not to die at a bus stop when this comes up– but I don’t notice anything

Valletta: thankfully no, at least not a big one. The worst I’ve injured myself was when I kinda timed a jump over a brick wall wrong and took out a chunk of my shin.

Vienna: I gave this one A LOT OF THOUGHT but I don’t think there’s like one song that totally captures my life, I definitely identify with songs but there’s not one single song in part because I’m still trying to process my life, you know? Fit things into the correct slots. Until I do that–if that’s even possible–i won’t have just one song. Sorry!!

Vilnius: yeah, why not? If it’s not like a permanent thing bc I have issues with permanency then it’d be cool, if only to get another point of reference for how things are done

Warsaw: i AM a depression lol. I thought two years was about as long as major depressive episodes lasted but I guess not, or maybe I was misdiagnosed idk

Zagreb: I’ve certainly given my TRUST to people I shouldn’t have, I’ve given my FRIENDSHIP to people I shouldn’t have, but I don’t think I’ve ever given someone my heart when I shouldn’t have.

Zurich: not at all. It’s a means to an end, you need it for college and food and stuff, but outside of that I really don’t care. I’ve been trying to figure out how we could restructure society without money and keep it fair and not suppress individuality and keep everyone taken care of it’s an interesting thought experimentTHERE I’M DONE I hope you appreciate that that took me a couple HOURS JOSIE I love you but WOW am I glad that’s over